Laura, a student from Ohio caught my eye, not just because she’s quitee pretty and all that. She shares my interest in chocolate and describes her favourite books as “all of them”, as do I. And she loves drooling in the home department, which is understandable at age 24. The hormonal desire to nest kicks in about then in most women if not earlier.

I am not going to end this coming year single. Hell this one is not over yet and tonight I’m going out to hear the chemical brothers play in the new year at ‘Together NYE’ Turnmills. Who knows, the woman of my dreams, and by definition the one of whom it can be said, I am the man of hers, may even be there.

Shame Laura won’t be …. The Chems are certainly “dance-able”, and she seems very love-able. I am such a bad Buddhist: shallow, indulgent, narrow-minded, hormonal. Aaaah desire, pleasure and the inherent pain of their wthdrawal. Samsara is strong it seesms, and to escape the wheel takes an extra-ordinary exertion and self-awareness. I said eight years ago I would do it or die trying. That was before I even became or understood anything of Buddhism.

Western “Christian” society is certainly a complete mess. Most would agree, whatever particular logic leads them there. Personally I blame the Romans. The Vatican Church is the remnant of the Roman Senate, our languages are Latin or Latin influenced, our philosophy, calendar and gods are Roman.

It’s the new year now, for me. I’m a Pagan in that regards, paying attention to the earthly timing of things, not the man-mind-induced nonsense others pay heed to. I don’t believe and never did. The days are getting longer. You can tell if you look at the sky from time to time. The quality of light has changed.

We have urgent need to cast off that which is wrong or misguided after examining that which is unexamined.

Over the coming weeks things down at the farm will be changing. With a new webhosting package, new software and style, colour scheme, design and site redesign underway freedomforall.net will take on new flavours, form and function. Bear with me. Apache? Linux? Shell? cgi? perl? Most of it is new to me, though I played with perl a little and thought, “how boring”. That sounds pervy but it isn’t. I’m not bored now. I’m deep in it - up to my ankles, so far and confused. Happy New Year. Wish me luck.

• “Christianity” would make Christ explode in a fit of anger.
• The Magick of the churches and priests is human distortion.
• Christian people are often overly gullible

Having said this, some of my best friends … no really, they are. These nuns have Buddha next to Christ, meditate three times a day and say a church is any group who undertake similar activities. They are anti-papist, and believe the Vatican church will implode. They are also a great laugh, very human and warm and welcoming to all. Mercy at eighty will do anything in her considerable power for anyone.

Oh back to the list …

• To be christ-like, recognising and following the example of the man, means to discard the self for selflessness and act in the interest of truth and justice for others. Few christians would understand the reality of the above sentance, let alone agree with it or aspire to it. But it was the whole point of christ’s life to inspire others to follow him through the gate.
• Buddhists aspire to this. It is the point of Buddhism. Christ was clearly neither Jewish or “Christian”. He followed the Buddha’s way.

I am sitting down to a “Christmas Dinner” this evening with a couple of good friends. We’ll eat well, have a glass of port and enjoy some good conversation.

Across the western or “christian” or “developed” world over the next few days we will eat and drink ourselves stupid. We will do this to celebrate the birth of “Christ” the son of “God”.

On the “anniversary” celebration of Christ, 25th December, once again thirty thousand children will martyr themselves to the status quo that starves them to death. Christ the man wanted those children to eat a square meal and for every child to eat a square meal.

Once again we piss in Christ the man’s face with our outrageous selfish greedy behaviour. I am really glad I choose to be a Buddhist and to meditate upon these things and face my own greed.

Today is the start of the new year, yesterday being the winter solstice or shortest day in the northern hemisphere. Now the days get longer and there will be increasing light.

Let’s make 2006 the year we shed light on the truth of these things and start to change the balance, feed the children and drop the hypocrisy, please.

Three weeks without internet service has been an interesting experience. My mind, always keen to be entertained bought a freeview card for my PC so it now shows thirty TV channels and plays FM radio. It wasn’t doing anything otherwise, because for me the PC is the internet for the most part. It does play music for me and films but those I get from the internet too.

I spent quite a lot of this time getting in touch with my anger. About my body, about my “childhood”, about the doctors who have screwed with my mind. The anger has been coming out in the wrong places and directions and manner as usual. I am beginning to get the knack of it though.

Two weeks ago Dr Harrison from the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital in Stanmore Middlesex wrote to say my spine had normal curves and was in normal health and that I could be an “anatomists model”. This week, knowing he was wrong, I had, privately, MRI scans done of my lumbar spine, pelvis, hip and rectum and cervical spine. I spent a thousand pounds because I think their crap may have gotten to a dangerous stage.

The pictures tell the story. They told me it was in my mind.

Clearly I have been well cared for in the year and a half I have been under the RNOH. They have mentally tortured me by blaming my mind for the ills of my body and therefore refusing to waste money on scans. They have lead to a great deal of timewasting and delay which has meant over a year of hell for me and dangerous deterioration in my physical state. Now they owe me £1022 for scans too …