On Saturday I was admitted to Newham Hospital by a junior A&E doctor. She made the mistake of not realising I was a political hot potatoe. I attended A&E and was admitted because the state of my spine had become seriously unstable.
Four days later, having had one X ray taken (of my chest not my spine) and some routine blood tests, I have been discharged by a Dr Zanakar (I think) saying my problems were better suited to being treated as an outpatient.
I said to him that as I was admitted because of the instability in my spine, no one had X rayed it, and he was not a spinal specialist, he was not in a position to make the decision to discharge me. “You are discharged”, he said before walking away.
Newham hospital is one of the worst hospitals in the country, according to government figures, according to the patients and according to the staff who work there (just look for stories on the internet).
This isn’t the main point. The main point is that my medical situation has become dangerous. The sometimes seemingly constructive medical negligence of people such as Dr Joseph Cowan (RNOH Stanmore), Professor Parveen Kumar (Royal London) and Dr Mike Polkey (Royal Brompton) has lead to a degredation in my physical well being that now threatens my life.
I don’t want to complain about doctors. I want a body that works. It is getting less and less likely that I can be restored to health. Time is a wasting, as are my muscles, and I find it hard to come to terms with facing a pointless early death because some doctors got it wrong.
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The big-hitting city law firm Allen & Overy took a good look at freedomforall.net earlier this week. I know Allen & Overy well as they often used to work for me in my former life as a merchant banker. They are very good at what they do.
Their interest in freedomforall.net is probably in relation to Dr Richard Marley, Consultant Hepatologist at The Royal London hospital, and, I guess, a client of theirs. He is one of a number of doctors who have failed in their duty of care towards me. Last July he discharged me from the Royal london after I had endured a two week ‘hotelling’ there (bed, food – attrocious as it happens, no medicine – it must have been a cheap hotel).
I shall never forget the words he used “Mr Jee your problems are too complex for us to deal with so we are discharging you”. Not “Mr Jee your problems are too complex so have organised to transfer you to a half-decent hospital”, or some other such thing that would have made sense. No, I had an outpatient appointment coming up at the RNOH in Stanmore, that would do. It was the first and only time I had met Dr Marley despite my being under his “care” at the hospital for over a week.
Knowing – as he should have done from the team of Dr Mike Glynn – that relations between the Consultant in charge of my care at the RNOH, Dr Joseph Cowan, and myself had broken down irretrievably, Dr Marley should have acted with greater care. However it seems he may have been blinded from doing so by allegiance to higher authorities or colleagues or the fact the two of his hospitals nurses had physically assaulted me creating a somewhat difficult situation.
Other than that his involvement in my case is something I can only guess at and as such I realise I have made some assertions in my recent posts that are too strong to be supportable, especially given the will and ability of doctors to back each other up at all costs (and seemingly at any cost to their patients).
I therefore appologise unreservedly to Dr Marley for any errors I have made in print. I have carefully reviewed my recent posts and edited them to ensure their factual accuracy with regards to Dr Marley’s involvement. I am quite certain there is nothing left here that Allen & Overy or their client can take exception to. If there is I am sure they will be kind enough to draw my attention to it so that I can review my editorial judgements in the light of such information.
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Lies are woven into my fabric, they are the shifting ground upon which the abused child builds the shaky house of self. The abuser uses lies to create the myth of his omnipotence over the child and their very life, thus creating the double binds which ensure the silence and brokenness of the victim.
The black and white thinking concommitant with a history of abuse and the subject of lies and truth are interwoven in the psyche of the victim through this double bind and the edge of rage which lies at one side of it and the chasm of fear that lies at the other.
The fear engendered in me by people lying to me is more related to the original fear of my abusers than related to the fear of what the lies can do to me. It’s simple: you lie: there is no trust: there is no trust you are not safe.
To me lies and truth matter more than anything. It is only when i am relating to persons with whom I do not fear a breech of honesty is likely that i can unfold and become myself in a relaxed way. As soon as the walls go up in fear of being lied to I will not relax again.
As a victim it is natural to create the situations where these feelings will arise and then fall back in a manageable way. This expression of the latent instincts and its repression are a major factor in the internal walls of denial that allow the whole charade to sustain.
To get the feeling one is being lied to and to challenge it head on in an appropriate way is a hard learning curve for the victim. It involves scaling the wall of fear created by the abuse and related threats or violence used to ensure silence is not broken.
This wall of fear, and fear that one will explode with rage, are however really quite empty when looked at closely. They are traces of the past, lines in chalk marking a place you were in once. As such they can be overcome with patience and compassion. Then one starts to find oneself in a place where one can ask the question “are you lying to me?” without it being the end of the world, whatever the answer.
Oh, and for those who know me, now you understand why I don’t do lies.
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This morning I telephoned “Operation Saphire” – the Metropolitan Police’s unit dealing with sexual assault and childhood sexual abuse. I explained the situation I am caught in and, having discussed the options open to me, the officer gave me some surprising advice.
She explained that medical negligence is always hard to prove and that criminal intent is even harder still to prove. She advised me that I should either travel to a different part of the country and use an assumed name or travel abroad in search of medical assistance.
The last thing, frankly, that I expected from the police was such incredibly practical thinking. that my mother and all of my friends are advising me to leave the country was surprising enough. That the Met agree is a shock beyond belief.
I have rethought this I wonder if Parveen Kumar hasn’t heard my name since that ill fated consultation. So looks like if I am now right I may be appologising. When life gets scary, I get kind of crazy I guess, but I’ve always stood up when I am wrong and will now if I am.
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