There is now. There is a collection of past experiences. There is a collection of habits. There are feelings, perceptions, stories, body, movement and change.
Where am I?
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Just so you know,
who I am.
I have come,
To take you away.
From the things,
That keep you afraid.
And the lies,
Of which you were made.
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The sun through the clouds high in the winter sky.
My bathroom wallpapered with maps from my travels.
The shrine, a reminder to meditate, the dining table I made, and the stools I bought cheap 
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White Snow Clings
White snow clings to the roofs of the cars.
Fresh daisies on my windowsill.
Every moment is perfect.
My zen teacher told me.
Even his death.
Dying trying to save.
His baby daughter Maya.
Drowning in a lake in Switzerland.
Which held so many perfect moments.
And was so deep as never known.
(in honour of Kobun Chino Roshi And His Daughter Maya)
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Frog pond afternoon.
All’s quiet until the dusk breaks.
Croak, croak, croak, croak, croak.
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Love, falling in love, loving, being loved, beloved. What is love? What is attachment? What relation do these have to habit? How do these things operate as forces in our lives? We need to ask ourselves such questions. If you were looking for answers, I am sorry, but you have to look within.
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you need some fun
let your hair down
and your guard
with a friend
and laugh
and cry
all day
night
and
be
u
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This morning I attended hospital for yet another examination. I was advised that the plan of investigation has changed: one of the tests discussed at my last consultation will not be done I am told. When I returned one of my friends asked “Why? We know that one test is going to show the problem more clearly than any other. Why have they cancelled it?”, before rolling his eyes, slapping his forehead and saying “Doh” - a la Homer Simpson.
Meanwhile I return home to discover that the British Medical Association (BMA) and The Medical Protection Society (MPS) have been looking at my website today. I had never heard of the MPS before but according to their website they are “the world’s leading indemnifier of health professionals. As a not-for-profit mutual organisation, MPS offers support to members with the legal and ethical problems that arise from their professional practice”.
I can only assume, given the recent debacle of the Medical Defence Union trying to take freedomforall.net off the web, that what this means in effect is that they try and help modern doctors avoid the pitfalls of taking responsibility for their actions. I would be surprised if freedomforall.net does not now come under renewed attack from these professionals of whom my former web host said “stick together at any cost” and “Regardless of whether there has been any negligence, the doctors involved are behaving in a way which seems more to do with self preservation that getting to the truth and actually putting right any wrong.”
And that, you see is the problem I have with the test I was due being cancelled. The doctors by acting in this way and cancelling a test discussed as an important one may seem to be acting in concordance with the above statements and not in the best interests of me, their patient. As my friend pointed out we know this test will provide unarguable proof and we know that because we know what is wrong with me. When the doctors change plans after agreeing a certain test it only makes the whole affair look confusing.
So the MPU may sometimes help Healthcare Professionals steer through these tricky waters: How do we ensure we don’t provide neccessary healthcare and at the same time protect our professional reputation? I’ll tell you what guys: get your thinking caps on again - because I assure you this is not a battle you will win.
Edited 15th January 2007
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Children the world over have terrible teeth. In America there has been a long hstory of widespread use of braces for corrective purposes long berfore this was common in Britain, I suspect, Though I haven’t looked up the stats I honestly suspect this as the US is and has long been more image conscious than Britain.
Both countires, like most societies, suffer endemic sexual abuse of children by adults. This injures them. Injuries involve the musculature, joints and the spine. Especially in the neck and temporomandibular Joint or TMJ and in the suboccipital areas. This as a direct result of oral abuse facilitated by the bending back of the head. this can result in severe injury and, untreated, in systemic compensations that cause lifelong health difficulties. These are unrecognised, untreated and belittled or written off as psychocomatic in Britain.
In America the distorted teeth growth resulting from TMJ dysfunctions and the distortions in jaw function were often corrected with braces long before in Britain. There also might be much more abuse in Britain. Thats why our teeth are like graveyard stones after years of settlement.
Abuse directly affects and causes all kinds of totally unrecognised physical injuries that might result in the psychological difficulties associated wth abuse. After all a body so injured it is out of your control and memories so harmful you don’t remember them could easily have their common birth in the immediate aftermath of violent life threatening rape: Animal hypnosis - the limp state of giving in which the victim has to assume to survive.
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