Things have not been going well for me physically. I am waiting on an MRI scan of my Hip, something I first proposed three years ago. Meanwhile I am seeing an osteopath who is good and confident but my body is weirding out completely. It is habituated to being 5′10″. I got to 5′ 11.3/4″ two years ago. Then 18 months ago, one day, I discovered for a glorious half hour that I am 6′1″ when standing properly. Then it all fell apart.

I decide not to let any shit get me down though. All contents of mind are passing phenomena, best suited to laughing at. And when the Dhamma does not work I use a different Dhamma: I put Julie Andrews On and think of a few of my favourite things. Friends I have known and know, places I have been and may yet visit, experiences, expectations and other entertainments.

Of course, that is not terrifically Buddhist of me, what with it being a game of ego-reinforcement based on ephemeral recollections and projections. But then, as I’ve always said, “I’m a very bad Buddhist”.

Always living with a sense of myself as being fundamentally flawed I expect no good in my life. In both regards I am wrong. The paedophiles who disected me with their actions did not break me and I will not let them win. I will overcome all obstacles in trying to attain what is attainable and I will take all I can with me if I cross the way. That’s what I promised when I took my second Buddhist vow, the Boddhisattva Vow. And when I meet the right girl I will surely marry and be a dad, too.

Because really, honestly, this world - this existence: they are so precious, so amazing, so beautiful, and often so undervalued. How often do we stop for a moment to appreciate all that. And think about how we are in this beautifull world, how we are manifesting..