I tried falling in love again recently. The highs of endorphins created by the positive feelings and the tales one tells oneself of “what will be” have worn off now. Indeed the last two weeks has seen me go from full of expectation and elated to dashed and deeply dispirited. My love turned out to be not what she said she was.

It all ended before it began. We chatted on the net and spoke on the phone and, it seems, will never meet in person. Yet I feel as though my heart has been torn out. Convinced this person had in her what I would seek in a life partner, my mind turned it into a fact of sorts. When it became clear things were not OK I was left desperately clinging to any raft.

I’m not clinging anymore. I’m riding the waves a little better. The shock to my system has worn off and my system is recovering. I am meditating again and others are benefitting from that as well as myself. I feel I shall go back to my original plan which, although this may sound crazy, is as simple as “do not ask, do not promise, do not expect”.

Sitting is nice.