Laying in a floatation tank was a new and very pleasant experience. Laying in ten inches of water dosed with seven hundred pounds of Epsom salts and in total darkness and warmth reminiscent of the womb, the body and mind float freely.

The Italian assistant who had answered my telephone call earlier had turned out to be attractive and pleasant in person as well as on the telephone. We had casually flirted as she showed me the controls of my temporary womb.

As the end of my first one hour session neared my mind floated to flirtation. How, I asked myself, can I ask her on a date? As a four-year celibate this is not as casual question as it might at first seem. The relaxing effects of the bath soon wore off as my mind began turning.

Then I had that ‘Eureka’ moment.”Have you got a boyfriend?” I heard myself asking her. “No” she replied, smiling sweetly on the videotape running in my head. “Only, if you haven’t, I thought I could give you one for Christmas.” I heard myself brazenly continue.

Life is never as easy as the videotape running in my head. I shyly and awkwardly left the floatation centre feeling strangely spaced out like I was on drugs. The thought of actually saying anything even vaguely resembling the videotape filled me with fear.

Oh well, looks like I shall enter my fifth year of celibacy in 2005. My mind, though hating of Christmas, loves the renewal of the year passing. I often make large or small resolutions to mark the new year and the fact that everything is always changing. This year I resolve to learn to speak Italian.