Free lunches are known to be proverbially unknown. The proverb has finally had to bow down to science. A recent study by Prof Matthew Liberte of the Sore-bun University in Paris, Texas has been claimed to disprove the theory once and for all.

Despite an extremely limited study group of one instance of “lunch”, Prof. Liberte claimed his research was scientifically unbreakable. The Prof. was discussing the days affairs with a colleague in London when the colleague mentioned he had been invited to lunch at a friends house. Prof Liberte’s scientific brain jumped into overtime and he began to see how he could inflate the possibilities that had just been thrown open to him. Before “lunch” had even begun, Prof. Liberte had attained funding of one point four squillion dollars, yes squillion dollars. The Hells Oil Company claimed the funding had nothing to do with Prof. Liberte’s defense of the company during the inflamous Sheepgate trials by proving their was no such thing as a free lunch.

After “lunch” was over, Prof. Liberte undertook the arduous interviewing needed to genuinely call this a rigorous scientific study. “It was easy to show a solid conclusion that every instance in the control group “lunch” broke the proverb”, said Liberte, “and it does not matter that we only looked at the one case”, he continued. Adding “The proverb was it’s own undoing - ‘No such thing’ - you only have to prove one contrary instance to demolish this lie forever. And the research funding was, frankly, the icing on the cake - hum, that gives me an idea for a new project”.

Prof Liberte can be contacted for just about anything that pays hard cash.