Systemic Rape, Death, Threats, Insurance and “Dist…
Life throws the odd spanner at you from time to time. How you cope with these things is both a part of who you are and an opportunity to grow as a person. An episode of Scrubs, the TV show, has one of the Doctors to learn to stop blaming others and take responsibility for herself.
My life has thrown me plenty of spanners. Being raped regularly for most of your childhood sends you places no person should be made to go, physically and psychologically. At some point, before I learned to walk I was injured severely. Through anal or oral rape I was damaged in such a way that I could not take the weight of my body on the inside of my right hip.
Many muscles in my body, my breathing and autonomic other and neurology were disrupted from normal function. My spine was always partially twisted and forward bent behind the diaphragm to allow me to get around without using the inside of my right hip and without enervating and therefore feeling sensation from, the muscles of my rectum and pelvic floor.
My diaphragm is enervated in a partially paradoxical fashion which allows it to compensate for (and contribute to) the distortion of my spine, the lack of muscular integrity in the pelvis and the way I learned to carry my weight so I did not suffer pain.
Over the last two years I have decayed and deteriorated, left to rot. I must be labelled hypochondriac by the system. Perhaps the bad and damaging former diagnosis of “personality disorder”, though withdrawn and appologised for, has not unpercolated through the system, so to speak. And at least one of the doctors I have seen has been actively ensuring my injuries are not investigated. I suspect there is also some misinformation from medical paedophiles infused in modern medicine to help keep society in denial.
So I have had to face my own mortality. And frankly, doing so is half scaring me to death. And, nearly finishing the job the doctors charged with my physical healthcare have made such an effective start on. They utterly failing in their duty of care- for whatever reason. However, I have come to realise there is nothing worse than what I went through as a child.
I live my days with the most dignity I can muster. I am polite to doctors, though obviously upset by what I have been through. I enjoy the company of good friends and try to let those moments be complete “nows”, not partitioned by my mind focussing on my fight to survive. But when you stopped letting go and held tight to survive before you had differentiated yourself from the world around you: well the world is a hard place.
Doctors do not scare me any more. My own death has been a meditation for the last month or so, facing what I may have to face, in the hope that if the worst happens too early for my hopes, wishes and potential, I will die with dignity. Yet I will not die. I have great faith in the basic humanity of everyone and in my ability to survive. And despite everything I have a deep seated respect for and confidence in British Medicine, despite all it’s very obvious flaws.
I may have caused distress to some doctors through this website and some extrapolated hypothesis to account for the attitude offered me by medicine. I am going to offer an appology to some specific persons and edit and remove some of the articles on this site. I did not intend distress, merely to focus attention on the failures and thereby spur people on to correct acton now. And bring attention to the fact that there are some genuine bad apples around.
Every doctor to whom I feel obliged to appologise will, if they look inside of themselves, realise they owe me an appology too. Things were done wrong, badly, lazily and sometimes maliciously. I do not expect those who have acted negligently to be perfect and I accept that mistakes happen. Those who have acted maliciously will not appologise in any circumstance I suspect.
Parveen Kumar did not try and “murder” me by default – through actively encouraging deliberate failures elsewhere as I may earlier have seemed to impy – I’ve realised that now. She is a good person from what I can see. I doubt she heard of my name in between last year and perhaps very recently. I owe her an appology, as she does me, for sure. I will write her one and I am a man of my word. If I get one from her I also won’t submit to the GMC a complaint but will accept this has probably been a valuable learning experience for us both.
I used to help manage the BMA Pension Fund and General Fund when I was a broker with Northcote and company. The stockmarket still support me with a regular weekly allowance and are very generous in assisting me cope with the damage done to me by the British medical system. I am a good person and so are most doctors good people. I know the people I used to deal with at the BMA were invariably very pleasant. Ordinary people trying to do their best.
It looks like someone is deliberately stopping my medical investigation from reaching fruition however. I have some written proof of that and much other evidence and experience that is hard to understand in any other way. Perhaps Prof Kumar’s colleagues at the BMA and staff at the MDU would benefit from looking into that rather than trying to silence me. After all one rotten apple spoils the barrell, etc. And frankly British Medicine has an excess of bad ‘uns. We might want to ask ourselves why, but I will not. Speculation and extrapolation has caused distress. Not as much as the negligence, consequent injury and humiliation I have suffered has caused me – but nevertheless real.