I got a visit today from the local Community Police Team. They explained that, without identifying me to my neighbour, they had asked him to refrain from harrassing behaviour towards neighbours and he had promised to stay away from me.

Later I telephoned to ask how they could resolve those two statements. They said he had made allegations about me and the official decision was that it was best left alone as no allegation could be substantiated.

He weighs 18 stones, I weigh nine. He is a diabetic who does not look after his health and is going mad because sugar is dissolving his brain. I have a recording of a phone call in which he states “there is nothing you can do about it. It’s all set up”, and when I ask “so I am going to be beaten up am I?”, he replies “if you want to seee it that way”.

I am a buddhist pacifist. He states “I am only violent when provoked” and has told a friend of mine “I’m gonna put part two of my plan into action. You should stay away from him or my associates might think you are his bodyguard and beat you up as well”. This is because when I told him “We will never be friends. I don’t like to be friends with people who threaten me. Lets leave it at that”, I was “cheeky”.

The C.I.D, having heared the recording think that no action is the best course when an 18 stone nutter with paranoia and a streak for violence and causing problems with a neighbour picks on a 9 stone 6′ rake who is disabled and recieves mobility and care allowances. I am under 6 surgeons at three hospitals: I don’t think I’ll survive a trip to A&E as well.

Luckily A good friend has connections who might ensure a swift high level reappraisal of this absurd situation. If not the council are taking action and I’m going for an injunction, privately, as the police won’t. So it’s official: The Met are completely useless*.

* This is, as usual, a heavy and useful paraphrasement made by an anonymous random phrase generator.