“Unlike You … I Am Not Rude”
Walking back from the local cafe this morning I saw an acquaintance. I used to think we were friends but came to realise this person does not have friends, only acquaintances. He was raised by an inneffective mother who smothered his younger brother and ignored him and a father who was an abusive alcoholic. At quite a young age he took himself off to social services and had himself put in a childrens home.
In the home he had no privacy, no possesions that did not get stolen and nobody who cared for him as much as his parents. This person grew up to be afraid of anything resembling commitment or dependancy. Friendship feels too close to both for this person to be capable of it. A couple of times he has invented spurious reasons to stop visiting and drinking tea with me which for almost a year he did daily. The last time our friendship cooled it was because I had become rather fed up with his attitude and stiring trouble between people.
When I saw him walking towards me this morning with his MP3 player plugged into his ears I noted a look of confusion cross his face. He clearly was uncertain whether to acknowledge me or not. “Morning”, I said in a loud voice to save his confusion. He unplugged his ears and looked at me. “How are you?”, I asked. “I am not rude”, he said. “I am not sure what you mean”, said I. “Well, unlike you and XXX, I am not rude – I didn’t say ‘fuck off’ when I saw you”. “Oh right”, said I and continued after a brief pause, “well next time I should just say ‘fuck off’ and be done with it if I were you mate”. I went on my way.
I can’t be bothered with this person anymore. His ability to be confused whilst calmly assuring himself he is not is more work than I have the energy for right now. So now it is really simple: he can hate me with gay abandon as a ‘rude person’ and I can wish him more skills in human interaction and self-awareness. And we won’t feel a need to talk about it.